So 7-Eleven has a sense of humor…
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Category: Movies
Holy Batsandals!
So the new Batsuit pic is making it’s rounds:
I’m no Batsuit aficionado, but it looks OK. I did notice a few things on closer inspection…
Is it just me, or is Batsy wearing sort of a chunky sandal?
And who’s the guy in the upper left? Nipple patrol?
Technorati Tags: andertoons, comic books, movies
Ghost Rider – Review (With The Return Of the Margie Movie Meter!)
To paraphrase Ghost Rider’s penance stare catch phrase, “my soul is stained by the crappiness of the this movie. Feel my pain.”
From Sam Elliot’s voiceover for the opening montage, to the terribly trite ending, Ghost Rider is so cliche and ironic dialogue heavy that it collapses under it’s own weight almost constantly.
Here’s a quick overview of the plot: Motorcycle daredevil Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) makes a deal with the devil (Peter Fonda) to save his cancer stricken motorcycle daredevil father (Brett Cullen seemingly trying to channel Chris Cooper). Not surprisingly, his father dies immediately thereafter in a motorcycle daredevil accident, and Johnny leaves his love to spare her his life as a damned motorcycle daredevil.
Years later, Blaze’s stunt riding have brought him the worldwide fame and fortune that all motorcycle daredevils enjoy, and just when his old flame (Eva Mendes, and yes I intended that pun) shows up again, the devil wants his due. Johnny must take down the devil’s impudent son, Blackheart (Wes Bentley) before he creates Hell 2.
Add in some convoluted back story involving the not very mysterious Caretaker (Sam Elliot), a missing contract, and the 1000 souls of San Venganza, and you’ve got a truly terrible mish-mash of 13-year old boys’ study hall notebook fantasy scrawlings for about the last 50 years.
The Good:
The movie does have a few, and I mean a scant few redeeming points: Blaze’s candy cocktails, obsession with monkey video and love of Karen Carpenter tunes are kooky, Eva Mendes’ breasts make the most of their screen time, and the special effects are quite good, but monkeys, boobs, and fire do not a movie make. (The 1980’s classic Satan’s Silicone Simians being the notable exception.)
The Bad:
Roxy, surveying Blaze’s occult book collection – “Jesus.” Blackheart appears out of nowhere and responds… wait for it… “Not even close.” I wish I were kidding.
Roxy pulls out a magic 8-ball toy at a restaurant after being stood up by Blaze, shakes it vigorously and seems interested in the result. I’m not kidding. I’m assuming this is to make her seem quirky or likable, or both, but it just comes out of nowhere and pretty much leaves you going “what the hell was that?!”
At one point GR escapes the police station by jumping his bike over a terrified guard. Cut to next scene. Ghost Rider walks out of the station to find his bike waiting for him in the street. I replayed this for the Mrs. and she saw it too. Good lord!
GR also whistles for his bike at one point. He’s a flaming skull! How exactly does a flaming skull whistle?!
Early on Nazareth’s “Tush” plays in the soundtrack and I mistook the beginning of the song for “Hot Blooded” which would had been a much nicer choice. Minor point I know, but there it is.
Caretaker erupts into flame and rides with Blaze to San Venganza for the final showdown. After arriving he deflames and says that that was the last time he’d be able to change into a rider, and he’d been saving it for this. Would someone please tell these dorks about MapQuest or Google Maps or something! Jesus!
The POV riding shots are like rooftop siren title shots in Police Squad. Serisouly, I could hear that music in my head!
Montage after montage after soul crushing montage! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
(I could go on and on and on, but at some point I have to consider my bandwidth, so let’s move on…)
The After School Special:
Mack, Blaze’s manager.assistant/friend (Donal Logue) to Blaze – “What happened to your Daddy is not your fault. You know that right?” Go ahead and swallow that vomit back down, I’ll wait.
The Margie Movie Meter:
You asked for it (OK, Lynch asked for it), and you’re gonna get it pally!
Out of five eyerolls (five being Catwoman) Ghost Rider gets…
(For those of you still grasping to the old YHGTBKM scale, Margie said “you have got to be kidding me!” or the equivalent nineteen times. And that’s being upstairs in the kitchen for a full third of the film.)
Wrapping up this review is almost too easy. Again, paraphrasing a GR catch phrase, “Ghost Rider, Guilty… of sucking!”
Technorati Tags: andertoons, comics, movies, reviews
This Is What Fuchsia Kryptonite Does
Spider-Man 3 – Review
I saw Spidey 3 last night; at the Imax no less.
First things first, everything I’d heard about the Sandman effects are true and then some. Wow, wow, and wow. Honestly, the scene where he first reforms himself is oddly beautiful.
The action scenes are all tour de forces, the story felt like a good logical move forward from the last two films, and all of the acting is very good. Even small parts are given their chance to shimmer. (I’m looking at you, Mageina Tovah.)
But for all the spectacle, humor and pathos, you can’t help but get the feeling that Raimi indulged himself occasionally to the detriment of other plot elements.
Example: An extensive odd dance number where Peter rubs Gwen Stacy in MJ’s face lasts far too long, while Harry accepting his father’s death suffers from quick inattention, and a poor monologue/plot device to boot.
As a Spidey fan, of course I was excited about the inclusion of Gwen Stacy and Venom, but to be perfectly honest, neither were really necessary to the plot. My impression is that someone pushed for them, and Raimi acquiessed to a) please management, and, b) avoid a lesser director mucking about with them later. (Of course I could be wrong, but I seem to remember an online video of Avi Arad talking about convincing Raimi to include Venom.)
All of this being said, it is a really fun movie, and while lacking a final polish, is still better than 90% of the genre being ground out these days. It did not, however, manage to crack my top three superhero flick list:
1) Spider-Man 2
2) Batman (1989)
3) The Incredibles, tied with any Michelle Pfeiffer scene in Batman Returns
Go check it out in the theater; it’s worth it.
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